To all my "Jersey" people, you will laugh when you read some of these....to
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you can tell
"You're from South Jersey"
111. Your know where harding highway is.
110. One of your favorite X-File Episodes is the one about the Jersey Devil.
109. In South Jersey, you don't "go to the beach", you go "down the shore".
108.You remember Santana wailing on guitar in a lightning storm at the Atlantic City Race Track in the 1970's.
107. In your mind you hear "watch out for the tram car please" even
in your sleep.
106. Hy Lit, Joe Niagra, & Jerry Blavat; are normal household words.
105. You go out for corn and tomatoes in the summer and make dinner out of it.
104. You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality.
103. When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard.
102. You remember when the Silver Fox Tavern was really a restaurant.
101. You are related to half of the local farmers.
100. You still say you are going shopping at Jamesway.
99. You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway.
98. Your neighbor's house was forclosed
after an unlucky night in Atlantic City.
97. You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan.
96. You've actually found the Echelon Mall.
95. Your uncle is in the mafia.
94. You have Lyme Disease.
93. You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.
92. You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.
91. You think a mountain is any landform taller than your house.
90. You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods.
89. You stay away from Getty and BP, and stick with Mobil and Gulf.
88. You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the beach.
87. One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in sand.
86. You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up.
85. You live next to an inpenetrable swamp.
84. You go to Delaware to buy smokes.
83. Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff.
82. Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks.
81. To you, "gravel" means orange dirt.
80. You love hockey, and have been to a Flyers or Devils game.
79. You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark.
78. You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.
77. Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April ann May.
76. You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.
75. You can smell and know when it's low tide.
74. F-16s buzz your house at like 150 feet.
73. You remember the bad gypsy moth years.
72. The Eagles/Giants rivalry has started fights at your school and/or local bar.
71. You eat at restaurants that have locations I, II, III, IV, and V.
70. You get excited when you see Chopper 6, and you can hum thae Action News song.
69. You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage.
68. Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw happen in Ohio.
67. You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries.
66. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.
65. You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball.
64. You live in Cape May, but you still won't take the ferry because it's too expensive and crowded.
63. You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should not open restaurants in South Jersey.
62. You've hung out at a gravel pit.
61. You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13.
60. You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school.
59. You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black Horse Pike.
58. You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid.
57. You've run out of money on the Parkway.
56. You know what "cedar water" is.
55. Your middle school hangout was the mall.
54. You have an unusable, piece-of-shit boat in your front yard.
53. You once skipped school and went to Wildwood.
52. You're Italian.
51. You know where to get the best bagel.
50. You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the Philly airport.
49. Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.
48. You say "water" weird.
47. You have pine trees, holly trees, and mountain laurel in your yard.
46. You had a sandbox.
45. Even your school made good Italian subs.
44. You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway.
43. You've rented a house in Stone Harbor before.
42. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano.
41. You can point to the two closest nuclear plants.
40. You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.
39. You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
38. You packed up the family on a Sunday and went to Cowtown Rodeo.
37. You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.
36. You once shot a whiporwhill on a summer night at 3 A.M.
35. You take day trips to New York City.
34. The mafia runs half the businesses in your town.
33. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.
32. In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes.
31. You don't have to go to red lobster to get fresh seafood.
30. You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.
29. You know how to pronouce "Buena" on Route 40.
28. You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.
27. You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can lay down some phat beats.
26. You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in South Jersey if the 76ers and the Nets didn't blow."
25. You watch Evening Magazine.
24. You remember when Rowan was Glassboro State and TCNJ was Trenton State.
23. You remember Channel 48, Boss 97, Eagle 106, and Harvey in the Morning.
22. You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club.
21. You smoke Parliament Lights.
20. You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June.
19. Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course.
18. You know what custard is in South Jersey.
17. You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!)
16. In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.
15. Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night.
14. Because your town was founded before 1776, all the restaurants, taverns, and shops have "ye", "olde", and "colonial" in their names.
13. One time, a sea gull shit all over your head.
12. You talk to the guy at the dump.
11. You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in here."
10. You've waited for the goddamn drawbridge for more than ten minutes.
9. You even swam in the ocean after the hypodermic needle scare.
8. Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen.
7. You know it can be 70 degrees in January.
6. There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.
5. "Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell" is your attitude.
4. Somewhere along the line, someone was really screwed you over in a business transaction.
3. You often use variations of the "F-word" while driving.
2. You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often.
1. You don't take any shit from anybody.
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Can you think of some more ?
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GETTING OLDER IN SOUTH JERSEY (THE MIDDLE AGES)
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
You don't remember being absent minded.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Your back goes out, but you stay home.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Happy hour is a nap.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
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